my banner of teal – by maureen convery
In November 2018, I reached a milestone – 5 Year, recurrence free survivorship of late stage Ovarian Cancer. This is not a status many women share. My form of ovarian cancer has a 37% 5-year survival rate. More grim is the fact that 85% of all women recur. Women are told when given this cancer diagnosis, “this is a chronic disease and you will most likely spend the rest of your life in treatment”, i.e. chemo.
On November 26th, 2018, five years after my last chemo, the day escaped without my notice. I didn’t think of it until the 29th. What a gift, a miracle, a status I never expected and now take for granted.
I spent most of the past winter thinking about my good fortune, and wondering why. What do I owe for this gift? I’ve been active in the ovarian cancer community. I speak to medical students, attend gatherings with other local survivors, continue my work raising awareness with Team Teal Six, which was founded by son and his friends. My life has been devoted to promoting awareness of ovarian cancer. Surely I owed this.
Yet on that day, on November 29th, I was tired. I was tired of living in the shadow of cancer. I was tired of talking to people who are too busy or distracted to soak it all in. I was tired of spending my free time hanging ribbons, passing out cards, speaking at events and, honestly, living and breathing ovarian cancer.
I found myself extremely jealous of those who get to choose their passion in life. I wondered what cause I could take up if I abandoned Team Teal Six. I could immerse myself in politics, our racial divide, abused teens, the homeless, those with the disease of addiction. These are causes that speak to me, and I found myself setting down my banner of teal and foraying into some of these other issues.
While studying other issues I kept up with my online support groups. Women all over our world are waving the teal banner, promoting awareness, raising research money, advocating for better care, taking care of the newly diagnosed and the dying. I felt clear – there were others carrying the Teal Banner. I could put my banner down and move on.
Until Monique.
Beautiful, unstoppable, creative, lovely Monique. In her late 20’s she was diagnosed with late stage ovarian cancer, a stage 95% of us are diagnosed with. Unlike me, she remained in treatment until her death a few months ago. Before she died, she was a beacon of hope for every woman in treatment. She posted weekly videos on FB teaching women how to look great with no hair, no eyebrows, a yellow pallor and a gaunt body. I rarely watched her videos because I didn’t have to, but I knew she made them. Something in her spoke to me; spoke to all of us. At her weakest moments she chose to rise, to put on makeup and a cute head scarf, and speak to us. On those days when she looked her worst she showed up, teaching us all that we don’t have to hide out, we can show up, regardless of the condition of our body. She continued to post videos, even when running out of treatment options. She spoke briefly of her prognosis and treatment, then went on to cheer us all up. A month before she died her boyfriend posted one last video, telling us all that she was comfortable in hospice, and would continue to live, praying for a new treatment option. Live she did. Until she didn’t.
I never met Monique, but I felt like I knew her. This sentiment was shared throughout our support group, and everyone felt devastated by her death. We all cried. For days, for weeks. I am crying now as I write this.
As I cried it dawned on me – I wonder what causes Monique cared about? What banner would she have flown given the choice? Who’s lives would she have touched had she not been diagnosed with ovarian cancer? The realization shook me. Awakened me. There are worse things than not getting to choose the causes you fight for.
I have been given life, free of chemo, free of cancer. I did not expect this. I did nothing special to deserve this. I didn’t even ask for this. Yet there it is, the gift of life. And I owe it to myself, to Monique, to all the women currently fighting, and those who will fight in the future, to honor this gift.
September is National Ovarian Cancer Awareness month and Yoga Home has chosen to focus their monthly community efforts on this cause. Team Teal Six and I will rise again to spread the word. We want everyone to know –
- Ovarian cancer is sneaky. It is the silent whisperer. There is no screening test, so it is usually caught in advanced stages.
- Ovarian cancer is deadly when caught late, but 95% survivable if caught early.
- There are symptoms. Think of the word BEAT.
- Bloating
- Eating less, feeling fuller
- Abdominal pain or fullness.
- Toilet trouble, with bladder or bowels, or both.
If these symptoms are persistent for 2 weeks, you should insist on a pelvic ultrasound and a CA125 blood test.
Women need to be vigilant and aware of their bodies, because the medical community is not.
Women need to know that they Are NOT being screened for ovarian cancer. The pap test screens for cervical cancer only!
Women need to be assertive, even aggressive in getting screening tests, because the medical community does not offer them willingly.
Women need to look out for each other, listening carefully when a woman is experiencing symptoms, helping our fellow sisters navigate a confusing, difficult system that is simply not meeting our needs.
Women need to advocate for better care, more research funds, more awareness.
And men. Team Teal Six was founded by my son and his friends. These boys can talk to any woman about the symptoms of ovarian cancer, the importance of seeing the gynecologist, the CA125 blood test and pelvic ultrasound. They have no shame or embarrassment, because they understand that this is the only way to save lives. They are my hero’s and my role models.
My ask of you is simple:
Help us make Teal the new pink.
Get the conversation started.
- Tie a ribbon in a public place and talk about the symptoms and tests when people ask you what it’s for.
- Grab a pin from the desk and wear it this month.
- Pick up some awareness cards and hang them up in public places, like bathroom mirrors. Take 2…or 5….or 10! Carry them with you and hand them out.
- Start the conversation with your mother, your sister, your aunt, your friends, your neighbors.
At the end of the month, feel proud of the work you have done, and breathe a sigh of relief that you are done talking about ovarian cancer for a while.
I will continue the mission, and I will brag about all the Yoga Home community did to save lives, to support women, to support each other.
And I will remain forever grateful,
Maureen Convery