I am a people-pleaser, a giver, a compromiser… and these are all things that I am proud of. I give a lot to the people I care about, and I don’t like saying “no” to their needs and desires. I have heard my loved ones denied too many times to compound that negativity.
Caring for others and giving to them – out of Love – brings me the most joy.
But, when it comes to asking others for what I need, I am often afraid.
I am afraid to hear “no.”
I am afraid to be needy. I am afraid to be weak. I am afraid to want.
Don’t get me wrong, when I have to, I stand my ground. I can be stubborn. I know how to set boundaries and stick to them.
But, when I want a little thing… I am afraid it is too trivial. I am afraid to ask for it. I tell myself it is just a little thing anyways, and I try to let it go.
I want so badly to always be content, that when I find myself needing/wanting something, I try and reframe and erase that desire, for the sake of contentment. Fake it ’til you make it, right? Wrong.
The thing is… Fear adds up. And it adds up quickly. For every little want or need that is suppressed, Fear increases exponentially.
Sometimes (like this weekend) I find myself in the arms of my partner, starting to fall apart because I have given so much at work, socially, energetically, romantically… and haven’t asked for what I need. I am grateful that he holds me accountable and reminds me…
In these moments, I am so afraid to ask for what I need, that I am already defeated. In my mind, there is no chance of getting a “yes” in response, and I just give up.
Don’t Give Up.
“Can you help me with ______?”
“Will you stop what you are doing and talk to me?”
“Can you give me some space?”
“Will you be on time?”
“Can you set aside time just for me?”
“Will you let me know ______ ahead of time?”
“Can you tell me what to expect?”
Sometimes the answer will be “no” and sometimes it will be “yes.” That’s the prerogative of whomever I am asking. It is my responsibility to communicate my needs, and not to give up before the question is even posed, just because I am afraid to ask it.
For the Love of me, for the Love of my relationships with my friends, family, and coworkers – I must ask for what I need.
That is why I wear this reminder on my wrist. No matter how much time I devote to the idea – Love over Fear – I still need the reminder. If you see me falter, you can remind me too. Love first.
Originally posted on Love over Fear…